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Choose gifts with care or risk your relationship

Maybe the reason is genetic or maybe it's environmental conditioning, but it seems pretty much fact that most women choose their gifts very carefully, giving a great deal of time and thought to getting something which is 'just right'. On the other hand, we probably all know at least one man who does his entire Christmas shop at his nearest BP forecourt. We often laugh when we are regaled with stories of the guilty culprit, who has slunk home on Valentine's Day with wilting carnations or a hastily chosen box of Milk Tray under his arm.

However, it's no laughing matter for the recipient of the gift! Perhaps it is because women generally pay so much care and attention over the presents they choose for their loved ones (would chocolate brown or mocha brown suit his eyes more??) that they feel so let down when they are presented with something a little, or even a lot less thoughtful. If you talk to a group of girlfriends they will mention a whole host of emotions that they go through over a thoughtless gift; disappointment may be the universal initial response, but after mulling it over endlessly, it can lead to feelings of anger and resentment and ultimately this can lead to a temporary breakdown in relations. On the flip side, men may say that they cannot win, claiming that expectations ride so high around times like Valentine's Day, that they simply cannot live up to the romantic vision in a female's mind. For example, a male friend (who shall remain anonymous) complained that nothing short of a diamond ring proffered on bended knee with a string quartet in the background on a beautiful starlit night would have sufficed for his (also to remain nameless) girlfriend. And even if he had delivered on all these elements he is convinced that the thickness of the band, or some other minor detail would probably be wrong.

At this point if the female audience reading this are collectively thinking "He thinks the thickness of the band is a "minor" point???" it perhaps goes to show that he isn't too far from the truth…. Facing almost certain failure, is it any wonder than men chose the easy option; buying gifts that require absolutely no thought or time commitment? That way they already know they have done the wrong thing and they don't have to be disappointed when you are disappointed. Maybe this is a contributory factor to research that shows that approx 80% of men don't believe they ought to have to buy their partner a present for Valentine's Day, whereas 75% of women say that men will suffer under pain of death if they do not. The answer surely has to lie in compromise.

Men – don't leave it until the last minute – make a note in your Blackberry, your I-Phone or whatever your latest gadget is at least one week before the date. Then, choose something that you know she will value, but which still may not take too much thought – it can't be too hard to discover what her favourite fragrance is. Alternatively, a voucher for a spa day doesn't take too much imagination but will always be appreciated. And ladies, come on now, it's time to give the men in your life a break. We can all fantasise about the whole romantic works, but there's a whole world of gifts in between your idealistic scenario and some garage forecourt flowers.

If you receive one of these 'in-between' gifts, take a deep breath, show some appreciation and thank your lucky stars that you got anything at all!.

Elisha Burberry is an online, freelance journalist and keen traveller and watersports enthusiast. Originally from Scotland, she now resides in London.



Choose gifts with care or risk your relationship



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